I have very quickly come to realize that this year of #twelve4life will challenge me in numerous ways. Last month I started, and continue, to wrestle with the idea of being vulnerable both with myself and those around me. This month we started to discuss the second step, relying on something greater than yourself. Through a lot of thinking, prayer, and listening this month, there are a few truths that have resonated with me.
To me, relying on something greater than myself means that I am completely trusting in the Lord. This is a concept that is frequently discussed among Christians. I now realize that this is an easy concept in theory, but incredibly difficult to live out on a daily basis. We are far more comfortable to remain in “control” of our lives. “Here God, you can have this part of my life…” or “Let Your will be done… in this way.” The difficulty of truly relying on God became evident to me when I started to look at it as a second step to vulnerability. If I have to be vulnerable and recognize that I am not in control first then rely on God means I am not holding anything back.
“The greatest things that I need to change, I cannot manage.” This a statement Pastor Shawn made during his sermon this week. This helped me realize that relying on God is more than something that I want to do. If I want to grow, it is something that I need to do. There is no way that I can face all of my struggles on my own. I have blind spots and battles that are too big for one person. Embracing vulnerability allows me to admit that there is an obstacle in front of me that I cannot conquer. I rely on my great and powerful God because He is the only one that can help me to the other side.
Even though I can recognize the need to rely on God, It is terrifying to actually do. In the last blog post, Falicia talked about taking that “leap of faith.” She challenged that risk is a part of faith. I started to imagine leaping into something and not landing in the cushy place I hoped for. It was a scary thought and it made me nervous to make any practical steps to completely relying on God. Later in the week, I heard a statement in a spoken word piece. “Whatever was suppose to kill you, didn’t, and what does not kill you knows who you belong to.” I belong to God and my God will not leave me nor forsake me. If I take that leap, if I let God mold me into His creation, if I hold nothing back, I will be a disciple of Christ who is forever safe in my Father’s arms.